Frigid and Fabulous: What the government doesn't tell you

If there were a conspiracy, she would know about it.

A conspiracy concerning what, you ask? Oh, nothing too newsworthy. Just a couple of minor things like the Kennedy assassination, the MLK assassination, and all the recorded events from 9/11.

I'm not kidding. If JFK's real killer were in fact a hostile band of aliens fresh from Nevada's Area 51, this woman would know about it. She works at the National Archives, and her title of "screener", puts her in the position of scanning the incoming records for major events and then deciding what to withhold from the public (for national security, personal privacy, etc...) That means that she sees everything, even that which is unavailable to the rest of us.

I think the Supreme Court should allocate some of its security for this woman and her friends. Can you imagine what their watercooler conversations sound like? (I'm not even going to attempt a potential exchange here - as I not nearly well-versed enough in conspiracies to pretend like I could conjure up a plausible scenario.)

I will, however, tell you that should I suddenly and unexpectedly take a keen interest in any top-secret official government sort of matter, the National Archives will be my first stop.

Just the publicly available records alone are incredibly revealing, and our class listened to some eerily intense recordings made the morning of September 11th, 2001 that I'm surprised have managed to exist this long without media exposure (would it be voyeuristic? maybe. hasn't stopped them before).

Anyhow, I just cannot emphasize what an untapped wealth of information lies within the National Archives. After our visit, I'm convinced that I could pick a topic and within weeks uncover some unjustly freed criminal or scandalous correspondences that would land me on page one.

On top of all this investigative stuff, the archives also have AMAZING historical items - like handwritten notes by George Washington and Lincoln, along with drafts of Constitutional Amendments, hand-scribbled edits and all (seeing Lincoln's nomination of Ulysses S. Grant written out in ink on a small piece of notebook paper was so surreal. He really existed. He was really human. So. Weird.)

So, despite the fact that the archives were FRIGID (gotta keep low temps for preservation) and awkwardly short-ceilinged (nobody wants to reach up high on shelves for boxes), they were fabulously cool (no pun intended. Though I guess by acknowledging the fact that I intend to draw no attention to the play on words, it seems I, in fact, do).